Please wish Donald Trump a ‘Happy Birthday’ on his totally real MySpace profile

President Donald Trump contemplating how to properly order his MySpace Top 8.
Image: Drew Angerer/Getty Images

To acknowledge Donald Trump’s 71st birthday, we decided the ultimate present would be to dig up his rarely seen and completely real* honest MySpace profile for everyone to enjoy.

Sure, America knows 2017 Trump as somewhat of a Twitter snob only communicating with his followers through 140-character-long snippets and midnight rants but his apparent lack of a MySpace leaves a glaring hole in his efforts to dominate social media.

We’ve recently uncovered the now 71-year-old president’s (very real, not fake, authentic) MySpace profile, which he appears to update regularly in an effort to Make MySpace Great Again. And boy, is it something.

Finally, a profile that gives us a clear understanding of the president’s most loyal friends, insight into his favorite hobbies, and his thoughts about books, music, movies, whether or not Comey is a leaker, and so much more.

This thing is so tremendous, there’s no doubt that even MySpace co-founder Tom Anderson is super jealous. Tom? Where are you, man?

Image: mashable/ ambar del moral

Despite Trump’s rising age, his classically maintained MySpace profile keeps him young at heart. And today, we can think of no better social media platform on which to leave this man some heartfelt birthday wishes.

Bet he’s not in Macron’s Top 8.

*Editor’s Note: It’s not real.

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