Dennis Rodman just gave Kim Jong-un Trump’s key to success, and hoo boy here we go

Former NBA basketball star Dennis Rodman presents "Trump: The Art of the Deal" to North Korea's Sports Minister Kim Il Guk.
Image: AP/REX/Shutterstock

Tremendous news, everyone! There is a good chance that right at this very moment, Kim Jong-un you know, the leader of North Korea holds in his powerful hands President Donald Trump’s The Art of the Deal.

Yep. In a series of completely comforting and not at all stressful events, retired professional basketball player Dennis Rodman who has appeared on Trump’s reality show, The Celebrity Apprentice several times decided it would be wise to present the leader with the U.S. president’s greatest keys to success.

On Thursday, Rodman met with North Korea Sports Minister Kim Il Guk in Pyongyang and gave him several truly epic gifts to deliver to the hermit country’s leader, including two autographed basketball jerseys, some soapsets, a mermaid jigsaw, a copy of Where’s Waldo?, and Trump’s 1987 literary legacy.

Totally normal. Nothing to see here. LOL just kidding.

Rodman’s literary recommendation begs many questions, but one of the most urgent is: What exactly will Kim learn from The Art of the Deal?

Will he walk away with some freaking sick business tactics that could be used to outsmart Trump himself? Learn how to master the most aggressive handshake on planet Earth? Perhaps how to successfully negotiate in a windy setting when your tie is taped to your shirt?

Maybe, but here are nine of the most important things Trump’s book will teach Kim:

You can’t fool people forever, or at all

Kim will soon learn that you can’t con people. Wait. Maybe you can? But not for long … you must deliver those goods.

Think big or just shut your brain off entirely

Trump likes to think big, but remember, thinking big may not be costly, but it does require focus.

All you need is leverage

If Kim thought all you need is LOVE, he is a fool. Everyone knows all you need is leverage. Gosh.

The art of the location is irrelevant

Feel free to meet in a McDonald’s as long as the deal is the best.

Never come off as desperate

Also, for good measure, expect everything to be horrible at all times.

Consider yoga because you must be flexible

Ideas are no places for Stage 5 clingers. Keep it loose, keep it chill. Protect yourself.

Taking care of things is better than not taking care of things

Profound.

Life is fragile AF

And if you’re successful? Oh boy your life is even more delicate.

Defeat is not an option

Well. It seems like once Kim learns Trumps absolute best business tactics his life will be deeply enriched. But is this a good thing? We’re not sure Trump would think so.

Though the president has remained silent on Twitter about Rodman for the past few years, in 2013 and 2014 Trump shared a few scathing words about the former NBA player and his relationship with North Korea, which he has visited several times before.

Sounds like there’s been some bad blood between Trump and Rodman, so was this an innocently generous move on Rodman’s part or an underhanded mind game?

~ Everything is fine. ~

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