Donald Trump’s using his iPhone wrong.
The President reportedly (finally!) has an iPhone. And yet, he’s only installed a single, solitary app on it: Twitter.
No matter what side of the political aisle you fall on, most of us can probably agree that more access to Twitter isn’t exactly something Trump needs, well, more of. That said, he probably could use a few other apps, though.
Here’s what he should download instead:
Look, you don’t even have to read the whole thing. Maybe just give the important partslike the First Amendmenta glance every once in awhile. Actually, on second thought, you might also want to brush up on Article II, Section 4. You know, just in case.
Yeah, we could all benefit from a little more mindfulness, but Trump might find Headspace’s quick, 10-minute guided meditations especially helpful. Not only will it help him keep that notoriously bad temper of his in check, it might also help him with concentrating on those tedious national security briefings.
If he must tweet, the least he could do is stop butchering the English language in the process. That’s where Page comes in. A one-stop shop for the grammatically impaired, all Trump has to do is enter each tweet into this app before smashing that Tweet buttonSend checks your text for spelling and grammatical errors, and will even suggest ways to make your writing better. Bonus: it’s got a built-in dictionary and thesaurus, in case Trump feels like expanding his vocabulary.
All of his friends in Congress might be using the Edward Snowden-approved messaging app Signal, but we suspect Trump might feel more at home on the Russia-made Telegram. Sure, the app’s encryption practices have been called into question, and some accounts may or may not have been hacked by Russian intelligence agencies. But how else is Trump going to talk to all of his Russian friends? Skype?
To fill the gaps in between binge-watching Fox News, of course. Not a great app, just one he’d probably want. We’re here to help.
Really, anyone the least bit skeptical of climate change would be well-served to take a peek at Skeptical Science, which handily breaks down all the most common arguments against climate change, and explains exactly why they’re all complete and utter bullshit. Trump probably won’t listen anyway, but if he looks at it enough times, maybe a few of the more important bits will sink in.
‘Nuff said, right?
Because, if he’s going to insist on eating nothing but garbage, he might as well educate himself on what it’s doing to his body and, God forbid, lose a little weight in the process.
In case Breitbart isn’t enough, Discord could help Trump keep tabs on what the bros of the alt-right are up to. It claims to be a chat app for gamers, but for a certain segment of the alt-right it’s become “4chan on steroids,” where bigots of all stripes get together to swap racist memes and, well, talk shit. Fun.
Because everyone needs at least one good game, and Trump, a (sometimes too-avid) golfer, has to have something to do when he can’t make it out to the links. The wickedly addicting Super Stickman Golf 3 has it all: a king-like protagonist, piles of floating cash, and guilt-free mulligans when you miss a shot.
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